I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
