Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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