Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
