blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
