when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well you can't waste a boner
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize