just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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