ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
