He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
