yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
