i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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