my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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