i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
