On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
