We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
