I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
