Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sober January is a disaster.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
