The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
