We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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