a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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