Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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