zippers are such a cool invention
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
