oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
