The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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