hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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