everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize