I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bring me that man meat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
