Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
