yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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