fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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