Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
