I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
