Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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