Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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