Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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