I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
