i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize