Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
