So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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