do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize