I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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