did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
