Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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