well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize