Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
