i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
