I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
