so explain again why im purple
no
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
