Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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