i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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