Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Even my vagina gasped.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
