I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
