dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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