I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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