i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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