i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
