Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
