Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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