I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
