i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
