i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
