I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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