I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
