wanna go halves on a baby?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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