He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
