In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
