I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
