I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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