so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
