so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
