You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize