I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
