420 ftw
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
