she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
