p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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