you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
