Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
