I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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