No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she told me i tasted like america
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am available for nakedness
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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