so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
