Just fell off a train. Bad.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
