How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have already put on my inside pants.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
