I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
