If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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