she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
