are you so shy because you have an std?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
