it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
