Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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